it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
A bitchslap is in order.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
