...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
