I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
