He kissed a someone with a penis
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
