Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
