Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
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