would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
We have so much sex to catch up on
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
