i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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