i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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