Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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