According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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