I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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