My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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