I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
