Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
