when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
