We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
