his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
