I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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