Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
