Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Randomize
