I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
