I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
