So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
