So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
