Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
