does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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