Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Randomize
