we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Randomize
