her vagine was all disorganized.
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
the day after is always just damage control
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
