I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Randomize
