so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
