You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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