Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
