so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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