Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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