i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
