i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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