So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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