he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
