Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I currently don't understand fingers.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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