Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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