You're completely useless in the revolution.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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