So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
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