Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
