i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Someone shattered a urinal.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
