maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Randomize
