do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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