i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
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