Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Randomize
