just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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