I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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