I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Your mouth is God's brothel.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
