If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
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