Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Randomize
